


the words are all escaping (and coming back all damaged)

by veridical



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-22 01:18:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17653277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veridical/pseuds/veridical
Summary: Kei overhears something that falls outside his worldview. At first, he doesn’t deal with it well. Then, he doesn’t deal with it at all.





	the words are all escaping (and coming back all damaged)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brella/gifts).



> dear brella! aaaaaa you're an amazing writer and I'm so excited to be writing this mutually appreciated ship for you. I didn't end up fulfilling specific prompts you had for tsukkiyama because this idea just refused to let go – I hope it's okay and you enjoy it nonetheless! <3
> 
> big thanks to my friend M., who came up with the initial idea of this and brainstormed with me and supported me throughout.
> 
> title.... because i'm very basic and it just. was the first thing that came to me ok.

It's just a very unlucky accident.

He's flipping through the songs on his player, somehow dissatisfied with every single one, when he catches something Yamaguchi is saying.

Kei sort of prides himself on knowing Yamaguchi without actually asking anything, so he's not going to let this opportunity slip. He stops the next song from playing and listens with the same absent-minded expression he is wearing already.

“...worth it,” Yamaguchi says, shaking his head.

Hinata slurps on his drink very loudly. Ugh.

“Why not? Of course it's worth it! It might even help you play,” Hinata refutes, barely not spitting his juice in every direction. Kei frowns and Yamaguchi gives him a little sort-of-secret smile. It's also… sad, somehow.

He turns his gaze as to not give himself away.

“Not everything is about volleyball,” Yamaguchi sighs, and Kei barely refrains from looking at him, exchanging a little smirk. “And it's just… it would be too much. For me, and, and for him.”

Yamaguchi gives him a glance out of the corner of his eye, the one that is painfully familiar, the one he thinks Kei doesn't see.

Is this-- about him?

He feels, suddenly, prickly all over.

“Fine, fine,” Hinata says. He presses on his juice box, squeezing the last drops out of it, then frowns. “Hey, Tsukishima! Tsukishiiiima! Do you wanna get more juice?”

Kei dutifully ignores him.

“He can't hear you,” Yamaguchi says, his warm laugh settling somewhere deep in Kei.

Hinata snorts, calls him some names under his breath, then flops his head onto his hands.

“I can't believe you have a crush on this jerk,” Hinata mutters.

Yamaguchi laughs

but doesn't

deny it.

Something in Kei freezes and shatters.

*

He keeps thinking that maybe he misunderstood. Maybe he misheard, even, and what stupid Hinata said was “you _had_ a crush”, which wouldn't be marginally better, but at least Kei wouldn't be looking for clues and finding none.

Yamaguchi is the same. He works harder than anyone else, looks after their new underclassmen, stubbornly doesn't sit with anyone other than Kei at lunches, stubbornly invites Kei to eat with Kageyama and Hinata, helps Ennoshita with something on the team, walks home with Kei, smiles when Kei pretends he is not specifically waiting for him to finish extra serving practice.

He doesn't have a crush on Kei.

What if Hinata meant someone else? Some other jerk? Does Yamaguchi know any other jerks? Enough to have a crush on them?

Kei huffs. Why is he even thinking about it? It's the middle of class. He doesn't need to give it more attention, really, because it's math, but he wishes something would grab his thought process and take it away from the unfortunate words that refuse to leave his mind.

“You looked out of it,” Yamaguchi says after the class. “Is everything okay? Did Akiteru come to visit?”

 _Shut up, Yamaguchi_ , he almost says, but something stops him. This would be… inconsiderate, would it? If he has a crush, Kei shouldn't— Wait, what, why is he thinking like that, since when does he care about stuff like that — although, it is Yamaguchi, so he does kind of care—

Yamaguchi is frowning. His hand is raised hesitantly. Kei raises an eyebrow and Yamaguchi shrugs.

“See what I mean? Out of it.”

“If you're like that at practice, Ennoshita will glare at you,” Hinata singsongs, appearing behind Yamaguchi without any warning.

“Just because you're scared of him, doesn't mean the rest of us are,” Kei replies flatly.

“I'm not scared—”

“Let's go, Yamaguchi.”

Okay then. Concern. Concern should be a sign of romantic affection.

But Yamaguchi is concerned about everyone and everything; there he is, handing Hinata a water bottle, asking Yachi if she got enough sleep, turning to Kei and smiling—

This is impossible.

*

It only gets worse. He keeps looking, trying to guess if this or that might be a sign of romantic feelings Yamaguchi supposedly harbors for him.

How could it even have happened? Yamaguchi spends all his time with him. They sit in class together, they eat lunch together (just because Yamaguchi refuses to go to cafeteria most often, just because Kei prefers to stay in the classroom if he can help it), they go to practice, they walk home, sometimes they even do homework together, watch a documentary or two. It’s been like this for years. At which point is it supposed to have changed to something _romantic_? How long has it been going on—

Horrified, Kei slams the lid on that thought.

He wishes Yamaguchi would confess and put an end to it—

No. That— there— no. He doesn't want that.

“I’m going to go home,” he says shortly.

Yamaguchi looks at him, looks at the ball in his own hands, frowns. “Huh? Tsukki, are you sure? I thought you’d want to train a little bit more too.”

 _Like always_ remains unsaid.

But “like always” has lead them to this. Maybe Kei is curious to see, how it would proceed, if he upends their routine. Just a little.

“It’s important to know your limits,” he says.

“Not in volleyball,” Yamaguchi retorts.

Kei winces. “You sound like Hinata.”

“God forbid,” Yamaguchi replies, and he’s smiling, which means, it’s okay. “Sure then, go rest your old bones, don’t let me keep you.”

“Rest is important too,” he mutters.

“Whatever you say, old man Tsukki,” Yamaguchi snorts, and then he turns away and calls for Kageyama to set for him.

Kei feels stupid immediately, and proceeds to feel stupid in the changing room, and while putting his stupid shoes on, and also the whole way home, walking – stupidly – alone.

*

He does that several more times, leaves after the _normal_ practice ends, even though they usually stay to practice some more together (though not as late as the pathetically brainless half of their year), except that losing on volleyball starts feeling weird, and one fine morning he actually comes to practice early.

The idiot duo just _stare_ at him.

Yamaguchi stares at him, too, later, when he comes to practice to see Kei already _there_ , but doesn’t say anything. Kei feels _weird_. It’s not that he wants Yamaguchi to ask, but that he isn’t asking is… wrong, somehow.

Maybe he is waiting for Yamaguchi to do something, go home with him instead of staying for practice, or suggest they both go to practice earlier together, but that’s _stupid_. He's stupid.

But then, on the _third_ time he goes to practice early with just a simple “don’t wait for me” text to Yamaguchi in the morning, and Hinata is miraculously not there to bother them in the lunch break, and Yamaguchi has been growing steadily more fidgety, and he’s looking to his left, and taking a breath, and biting his lip – there it is, he’s gonna ask.

“Is everything okay at home?” Yamaguchi inquires.

Kei offers a hum, which Yamaguchi correctly interprets as “yes, as much as it can be”.

“Cool! Then I'll come over after practice today?”

There it is: a _sign_. Yamaguchi wants to go home with him. Clear sign of romantic inclinations.

Kei immediately wants to slap himself, because Yamaguchi visited him approximately a million times, and vice versa, and if it has ever been a sign, then he should have thought of it earlier, and— Yamaguchi is staring at him.

“Tsukki…”

“Yes. Of course,” he blurts out.

Yamaguchi looks even more incredulous.

Kei puts on his headphones in a silent plea for help.

*

After practice, Yamaguchi somehow convinces him to get some sweets from the store. “For the tea, Tsukki,” he says as if it’s obvious. And okay, maybe Kei doesn’t need much convincing. He would like to pretend, though.

Yamaguchi enters his house first. He greets his mother who smiles sweetly, “you’re always welcome here, Tadashi”, and by the time Kei reaches the kitchen, Yamaguchi is already ruffling through the cupboards, waiting for the kettle to boil. It’s easy, familiar, and Kei lets himself relax for the first time in days. Maybe even weeks.

He helps Yamaguchi with some homework, and maybe Yamaguchi helps him in return – he’s the only one allowed to know that his friend’s English knowledge has somehow surpassed his own in the past semester. _You should watch more documentaries with English subtitles_ , Yamaguchi has been saying, _and maybe look up some lyrics from what you’re listening to more often_ , to which Kei always rolled his eyes until one day, Yamaguchi knew a word that he didn't and that definitely wasn’t allowed to happen.

Still, he’s smart enough to admit it. Nobody else is going to notice the miniscule difference in their levels, anyway. He probably knows some words Yamaguchi doesn’t; after all, it’s not like _Yamaguchi_ watches his favorite documentaries other than when they’re spending time together. His knowledge probably comes from videogames or something like that.

They end up doing just that: playing a little bit until Kei is bored (he always gets bored too easily), and then watching videos about deep sea dwellers.

It’s nice, and comfortable, and Kei almost forgets.

He almost asks – _suggests_ , of course; he would never ask, – him to spend the night.

Yamaguchi would probably agree.

*

It’s some days after that Kei decides to force his hand — somewhat literally, as it happens.

He stands maybe a bit close to Yamaguchi and fumbles a little too much with his tapes, until he hears a huff, and Yamaguchi's in front of him, reaching for the tape.

“Let me,” he says and starts retaping Kei's fingers without waiting for a response.

Which. Okay. It surely has happened before, only right now it's hard for him to remember when.

Did Yamaguchi react too eagerly?

It feels so pathetic to even think that.

Yamaguchi's hands are gentle and only have a slight tremble to them — has it always done that? Kei isn't sure, — but they handle tape surely and without any hesitation.

He doesn't know what causes him to flinch, in the end — the way he didn't expect Yamaguchi to touch the knuckles remaining naked, or the way his skin felt against his own.

But he flinches, and Yamaguchi steps back, and maybe his face is a bit red, Kei can't tell — all he can see is confusion and hurt.

“Sorry,” he says under his breath. “All done.” And then he turns, and walks towards the court, leaving Kei with another jumbled mess of someone else's feelings.

*

Hinata corners him one of those days he is at practice early, for reasons vague even to himself.

“Why are you bullying Tadashi?”

Kei stares at the tie in the bright orange hair. He used to tease Hinata over the too long hair, but now he can't come up with a single quip, it seems. “I’m not bullying him. I’m not _bullying_ anyone. And even if I were, I doubt they would come to you for help.”

Hinata bristles immediately – the anticipated response, – but somehow doesn’t drop the topic.

“Whatever you're doing, it's lame and you should stop,” he huffs, but continues before Kei can respond with indignation. “Tadashi told me he’s keeping his distance because he thought you might appreciate it. Well are you?”

“Am I what?” Kei asks. In his worldview, he's currently being exceedingly patient. Hinata's hard to follow on the best days.

“Appreciating him?”

What the hell does that even mean?

“ _Appreciating_ — how is this any of your business?”

“It affects—” Hinata starts.

“Last time I checked, you were _not_ the captain,” Kei cuts him off without waiting for the end. “And you won’t be. So please, for the god of volleyball or whatever, mind your own business.”

He spins around and goes to sit down, waiting for Yamaguchi to arrive.

*

True to Hinata's words, Yamaguchi is keeping his distance.

It doesn't really mean much in the grand scheme of things since Kei is basically avoiding him anyway, but now the moments Yamaguchi would seek him out are also cut short.

It makes Kei calmer: finally, he doesn't have to second-guess his friend's every word and gesture. It's nice. He can sort of think he imagined the whole thing.

He just misses his friend. No — he misses the company. The unspoken understanding. The small things Yamaguchi would do for him.

Kei kinda makes himself sick.

More and more often he catches Yamaguchi's glances — more worried than upset.

“Just confess,” Kei catches himself thinking while they're walking home in silence and bristles.

He doesn't _want_ Yamaguchi to confess.

He just wants to go back; back to the time before he knew all of this. He wants to unknow.

*

_wanna eat on the roof?_

Kei stares at his LINE as if it will provide the answer as to why Yamaguchi is just casually messaging him as if they haven't spent the past couple weeks floating in a weird nonverbal limbo.

_i have too much bento again Σ(￣。￣ﾉ)ﾉ_

It doesn't really explain things. Yamaguchi rarely brings extra food to school anymore, not since middle school when he supposedly thought it would make Kei like him more. Stupid. Kei liked him already.

 _sure_ , he fires off and gets up.

*

“You gotta save me from the salad,” Yamaguchi declares. For the first time in days, Kei allows himself to look. There are dark circles under Yamaguchi's eyes, but he can't even tell if they're normal or not. His smile, at least, seems genuine, but somehow Kei feels like he's walking tightrope.

“I hate salad.” Having put this information out there, he sits down, trying to make it look as nonchalant as he doesn't feel.

“Surely not,” Yamaguchi replies and starts unloading the finely grated carrots into Kei's bento.

He accepts it. He thinks it's the least he can do after avoiding Yamaguchi so much. He'll just eat the salad and they will make small talk and go to class and go to practice and everything will be okay.

“So are you ready talk about what happened?”

Kei almost drops the bento.

“Nothing happened,” he mutters. He eats the salad, visibly unable to answer any questions.

“Tsukki.”

Kei glances at him out of the corner of his eye. Yamaguchi is looking at his own food. It’s hard to read his face half-turned like this; that is the only reason.

“What do you want me to say?” he spits out in between the bites, and it's wrong, all wrong, because Kei is the one wishing for Yamaguchi to say _whatever he needs to say_ , but he lets the words hang.

They stay in the air until the break ends. Kei lets Yamaguchi leave first.

*

“Hey, Tsukishima. What're you scowling so much about?” Tanaka asks him when they end up paired for spiking-blocking practice later the same day. Kei would like to kill Ennoshita for that, just now.

“Isn't he always like that?” Noya peeps in from behind Kei where he's trying to get any balls Kei misses — as if that ever happens, and as if anybody was asking for his opinion.

Kei tries to breathe. He likes Noya-senpai. Sure, he can be as loud as Hinata, but he doesn't butt into Kei's business. Usually.

“No, this is different…” Tanaka muses out loud. “Usually he just looks displeased in general, but this seems… personal?”

They are completely ignoring Kei now. Wonderful.

He exits the conversation by stepping back and then doing a jump serve at Tanaka as obnoxiously loud as he can. Tanaka misses his receive, and Kei allows himself a smirk.

*

They are left to tidy up, because of course they are. As if they don't have first years to bully into it. It was Yamaguchi, of course it was, who just casually accepted the task. He hates—

He sighs.

Kei doesn't hate Yamaguchi, he just wants Yamaguchi to say something, 

But they put away the net without a word, gather the balls and clean the floors in complete silence. The atmosphere is heavy with things unsaid, but maybe, maybe it's just Kei? Maybe Yamaguchi is fine with the way things are? It's him who's been waiting, him who decided that Yamaguchi needed to come out and say it.

He doesn't like having second thoughts like that; a single appraisal of the situation is usually enough for him to form an opinion and stick to it.

Volleyball has been… hard, in that respect.

And now there's this, and he doesn't know where he went wrong, but it's not working. This is not working.

They are finally done and changed and Yamaguchi lingers in the doorway. Kei can tell he’s hesitating whether to go – they don’t walk home together half the time now, – or wait, or ask him.

 _Please don’t ask_ , he thinks, but of course, it’s exactly what Yamaguchi does.

“Tsukki--” he starts and Kei explodes.

“I can’t do this anymore.” He is not looking at Yamaguchi. He closes his eyes, and clenches his fists, and it just _spills_. “I can’t– this is impossible. I can’t stop thinking about when you’re gonna confess, I can’t stop thinking about how it even happened, I keep thinking about what you’re _feeling_ – why can’t you just tell me?”

It’s not what he wanted to say, not what he _ever_ wanted to say to Yamaguchi. But it’s out there, now, ringing in the clubroom, surrounding them and pressing down.

Kei meets Yamaguchi’s gaze. He looks… lost. Dumbfounded. Hurt.

It’s inevitable, some distant part of Kei thinks, how he always makes Yamaguchi hurt.

But it’s all out in the open, right? At least that should be good. Shouldn’t that be easier?

“I didn’t want to…” Yamaguchi starts. He bites on his lips, looks at his shoes. Kei can’t stop looking at him. “I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

It’s so stupid that Kei almost laughs. Uncomfortable? He’s never been more uncomfortable than in the past few weeks. The words come out almost by themselves. “You think it would have– how do you think it felt, for me, living with your feelings?”

Yamaguchi's face hardens. “Well, have you ever considered I lived with them for much longer?” he throws back at him and flinches from how suddenly angry and explosive it comes off as.

Kei clenches his teeth. “I never asked for it.” It’s not the right words, again, again, but it’s all he has.

Yamaguchi lets out a small laugh, echoing ridiculously in the small room. He mutters something, what Kei belatedly hears as “Neither did I”. His gaze gravitates towards his friend – Yamaguchi’s face is all scrunched up, tight and unreadable. His fists clench, and Kei braces himself.

“Fine,” he hears. “Got it out of your system? Okay. I’m in love with you. Happy? Is this what you wanted to hear?”

It’s maybe a little more than Kei ever dared think about.

But Yamaguchi is not even looking at him anymore. He grabs his bag from where it fell on the floor and slams the door behind him.

It takes Kei another minute to get out of the clubroom. By that time, any traces of Yamaguchi are gone. 

*

It’s nine PM on a Sunday, and Kei is still completely and utterly lost.

He spent the whole of Saturday practice ignoring Yamaguchi – the way he came just a little bit late than they should have, the way he escaped before Kei even reached the clubroom. The way he kept practicing his serves, alone. Hinata seemed to be talking to him and didn’t try to approach Kei.

He told himself that he was fine with it.

He wasn't. His eyes kept straying towards Yamaguchi and imagining that this is how it would be from now on.

And now it’s Sunday evening and he still has no idea what he wants to do, what he needs to do and how to fix the mess he created by opening his mouth and saying all that bullshit.

So Kei gets up and lets his legs carry him to Yamaguchi’s house. He wants to think: it’s not a conscious choice. He knows: it’s the only choice he has.

Yamaguchi opens the door. He’s wearing his pajamas which double as home clothes – grey t-shirt with a tiny fox on the pocket and pants that feel soft whenever Kei accidentally touches them. He doesn’t have socks on, even though his feet are perpetually freezing. His hair is the classic weekend mess.

Kei is not ready to lose him.

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asks, worried possibly despite himself. “Are you… what are you doing here? It’s– it’s late.”

He looks like he wants to check the time, just to be sure, but ends up just holding one of his elbows with the other hand.

Kei looks down, then up. He can look at Yamaguchi; he owes him that at least.

“I never gave you an answer,” he mutters.

“What— ah…” Yamaguchi takes a shuddering breath. “Can’t we just… can we just put that aside, um, maybe? I’m not sure…”

Kei is sure. He is, finally, more sure than anything.

“No,” he says.

Yamaguchi stares at him; Kei can feel it despite being too cowardly to look him right in the eye just now.

“Would you mind,” he squeezes through his teeth, “coming out for a bit?”

Yamaguchi is silent for a long while. Kei gives him time. They have time, he supposes; he was wrong to rush it. He knows Yamaguchi walks at his own pace. He trusted him before, he should’ve done it now.

“Come in, then,” his friend finally says.

They pass through the quiet house, muted noises of television coming from the living room. It’s been a while since Kei has been to Yamaguchi’s – his house is just that little bit closer to the school, and his mom feels more happy to have another person around, anyway (Kei doesn’t think she ever got used to Akiteru not being there), but he knows Yamaguchi’s parents, and they never mind him.

Still, he is very happy to have reached Yamaguchi’s room without encountering anyone.

He sits a respectable – he thinks – distance from Yamaguchi, but there’s not much choice here, what with the bed being the only sitting option. Minutes pass. They don’t look at each other, and Kei spends the time observing the room. It hasn’t changed much – it never does: books on old folklore from when Yamaguchi had a short fixation on it as a kid, some robots (or is it humans in robot suits? He could never tell), some Pokemon, all not on display, but not hidden either – Yamaguchi isn’t embarrassed, just not showboating.

His friend looks right in his place here, but Kei doesn’t know where his own place is, for once.

Some resolve returns to him. He can’t let this go.

“I’m sorry,” Kei begins. He figures it’s a good start, especially if he dies after the words and won’t be able to follow them up with anything. He can almost hear Yamaguchi’s sharp intake of breath, but he shuts it out in favor of continuing. “I… forced things. From you. I never meant to make you uncomfortable–” he winces at his choice of words, “I never… wanted to force you into… confessing, if you didn’t want to.”

God, he sounds so lame. Obviously Yamaguchi didn’t want to, otherwise he would’ve done it.

Yamaguchi looks far away, lost in thought. When he catches Kei’s gaze, his expression shifts to a mirthless smile.

“So I was that obvious,” he murmurs, bitterness in his voice.

Ah.

He really, really wasn't.

Kei means to explain it all, to tell him about how he overheard Hinata – he means to, except it feels weirdly intrusive, to say he basically eavesdropped on them.

Though, to be fair, after what he’s done, being intrusive is not really something he should be worrying about.

But in the end, what he says is, “No, not really.” And then, with his brain being conspicuously absent from the conversation, “It might have been wishful thinking on my part.”

“What?” Yamaguchi asks. His fingers grip the comforter, and he looks absolutely lost. “What? What?”

Three excellent questions, Kei thinks.

He doesn’t reply. It slowly dawns on him that he didn’t come here to apologise, but– what then?

Right. The answer.

He has to give Yamaguchi an answer.

And to do that, he has to… think. About how _he_ feels about Yamaguchi confessing to him. About what he didn’t– couldn’t– would not _dare_ imagine happening after a confession he waited for.

He needs to give his feelings an honest appraisal and come to a conclusion.

He tries. It’s how he always approached things. He tries, and fails, and all that he ends up with is, “I don’t mind.”

“What?” Yamaguchi repeats. He shakes his head. “Tsukki, _what_?”

“I don’t mind your feelings,” Kei says slowly, trying for patience and maybe failing.

He cringes immediately after seeing Yamaguchi’s incredulous expression. “Uh… thank you?”

“That’s not what I meant,” he bursts out and honestly, it’s impressive how much Yamaguchi can make him almost explode. Almost. Not quite. “It’s not… not what I…” he falters and stops.

Why are feelings so hard to grasp and even harder to put into words? He’s been content keeping them safely stowed away, because it was so much easier, so much more comprehensible. Even the past few weeks, it was fine to focus on another’s feelings – on the way they were (unwittingly) presented to him. But this, now… maybe, for Yamaguchi–

He reaches out without thinking and notices it too late, when the aborted gesture is already visible to the only other person in the room.

Kei freezes. He has no idea what to do, he can’t make sense of what he feels, but most importantly, there’s no _cool_ way of doing this. The usual, non-pathetic way of doing things was just ignoring it until it all went away– but he tried that. He hated that. 

“I don’t know,” he mutters, frustrated. He’s tired, and annoyed, most of all at himself for being so goddamn lame.

Bless Yamaguchi, really, because he takes a step into the unknown even when Kei is stuck at the roadblock.

“So you don’t… mind my feelings,” he says slowly, like he is forcing himself to speak. Kei can relate. “Do you mind this?”

Yamaguchi’s fingers graze his own where Kei’s hand has dropped on the bed cover.

Kei starts, but doesn’t really flinch – not this time. He lets himself feel the touch of soft skin, allows himself to meet Yamaguchi halfway. Yamaguchi always waits for him, patiently, even when Kei doesn’t really deserve it or doesn’t think he needs it, and right now it’s almost breaking him.

He doesn’t take his hand away.

Yamaguchi looks… frightened, or rather, awed, maybe– unsure, but bold, and Kei... Kei–

Kei feels.

He feels the fingers on his hand and he feels something heavy in his stomach – heavy, yet warm. It is hard to bear. It’s somewhat similar to what it was like to be aware of Yamaguchi’s feelings. It’s different, too.

Yamaguchi moves closer, and Kei is momentarily afraid of what he’s going to do.

Their shoulders touch.

Yamaguchi bites his lip, and Kei braces himself for whatever he’s going to say.

“You’ll tell me if you mind anything, right?” Yamaguchi mumbles. His voice is quiet. Steady. Comforting.

Kei lets out a tiny laugh. “When have I ever kept silent if something bothered me?”

Yamaguchi levels a gaze at him, that familiar, slightly scolding glare. “A lot of times, Tsukki.”

Kei finds himself looking back, and what they both tried to avoid so much happens: they’re staring, and Kei doesn’t know what Yamaguchi finds in his face, but what he sees are freckles, freckles, freckles, and eyes so familiar he doesn’t know how he could have ever contemplated running away from this.

“I’ll tell you,” he finds himself saying. “If you tell me.”

Yamaguchi smiles. “I already did, Tsukki.”

He did tell him. He said it in the clubroom, but most importantly, so many times before, when Kei was too cowardly to face anybody’s feelings, much less his own.

Kei's heart is maybe catching up to everything that's happened and keeps happening, and promptly goes into overdrive at the easy, bright expression that feels at home on Yamaguchi's face.

He finds himself reaching out again and this time he's not stopping, this time he doesn't dare hesitate before his fingers end up brushing Yamaguchi's cheek. A lock of hair. His ear. It could, he realises with frightening certainty, become familiar as well.

He vaguely registers Yamaguchi’s lips – his _lips_ – forming his name, the nickname, _Tsukki_ , right where it should be, right how it should sound, – and then he falls into Yamaguchi, and it all falls into place.


End file.
